I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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