Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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