Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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