Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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