Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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