I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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