theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well you can't waste a boner
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
