drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
