I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
