Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
