Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
