She's JV to your varsity
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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