This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
