between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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