Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
