you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she looked like the before picture.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
