I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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