office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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