yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
