ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
