Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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