if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
