booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
