ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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