And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
