And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
