I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I did not marry a roomba.
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