My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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