When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
