I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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