but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
