I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Donβt drink the Bloody Mary - itβs vodka and salsa.
Randomize