Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
