drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
