I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize