yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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