He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
