I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
