My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
