Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Soap is not a condiment
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
