Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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