Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
