Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We need to rekindle our bromance
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
