There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
