I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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