Non-Jews are for practice
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
