Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
