it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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