My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
being pregnant is like rehab
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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