I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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