I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
