You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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