Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
