You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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