Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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