smell my finger.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize