He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
