It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
