Having a random hookup so left but love u
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
