I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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