This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
