well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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