Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
